Quarantine Reflections: Why Lock Down Drove Me to Buy a Discontinued Fragrance off Ebay?

A few weeks ago I decided using up my pesky perfume samples would be a worth while quarantine goal. One by one I planned to enjoy and discard, swearing to no longer accept the wasteful little vials from department stores and Sephoras alike. The first one I wore however, stopped my goal swiftly in its tracks. It was the most beautiful, unique, versatile scent I’d experienced in a long time. Instantly I knew I couldn’t finish the sample and go on without it. It was Atelier Cologne Madarine Glaçiale, and when I went searching for it, it was no where to be found. It was nearly as frustrating as when I recognize an actor and can’t remember where I’ve seen them before , and must result to googling (more often than not, they’re from Friends). I began to ransack the internet for this specific product, refusing to accept that Atelier would discontinue such an incredibly intoxicating fragrance in there line up. Alas, they had indeed discontinued it and so I turned to Ebay.

What a lovely ending to the story, right? I paid twice the original price for a nearly full 10ml bottle of Madarine Glaçiale from a beauty supplier on Ebay, it came within a week and the fragrance and I are very happy together. But now that my sample size is nearing empty and the new bottle sits waiting on my shelf, I’ve found myself wondering if I’ve made a rash mistake. I ordered it out of desperation and stubbornness (Atelier Cologne cannot dictate how I smell, I argued) but what will I do when I eventually finish the new bottle? I can’t rely that in a year or two from now it will still be readily available on Ebay. If I’m being honest that isn’t even my biggest concern (yes, I have multiple concerns surrounding this perfume). I’m nervous to begin using the new bottle because it feels precious, but I don’t want to be the person who holds their special purchases so dear that they never get any use. Where is the balance between enjoyment and extortion? Or, is life to short to leave any good thing collecting dust on a shelf for any long or short period of time?

This perfume dilemma has lead to questioning a surprising amount of other things in my life right now while locked up with too much reflection time. The impending free time our current world presents leaves me putting off certain luxuries, saving for a rainy isolated day. For example, I recently made a new slightly extravagant purchase, but have left it sitting on my dresser in the dust bag (there’s a hint for you), waiting for the perfect moment to take some pictures for it’s Instagram reveal, since I can’t wear it out. It’s here and it’s mine for the foreseeable future, so why am I trying to save the act of shooting it for the “perfect moment”? If I want to do it why don’t I just do it? I think I may be afraid of wearing my quarantine activities thin and inevitably allowing the anxiety and stress of our world to settle in when there are no more exciting things to do. That might seem like an all together stupid way of thinking, considering I can always come up with new fun activities to partake in. But more often than not these “activities” end up being online shopping, and funds are something I CAN run out of. I was frustrated that I couldn’t find the exact thing I wanted to buy from Atelier because I wasn’t prepared to be out of control over the one thing I could rely on for spurts of joy. I realize I’m presenting high levels of evidence for a shopping addiction, but aren’t we all right now? Aren’t we all waiting for something to come in the mail that resembles a whole hearted attempt to manufacture excitement? Making a purchase is a choice, and one thing I can control in my life at the moment, but since I am not a shopping addict (she says only slightly convinced) I have accepted that once the packages arrive in the mail, I can’t just set them aside and go on ordering the next thing.

One could argue that putting those purchases aside purposefully, without the intention to instantly shop for something else, is the healthy way to go about things. It’s an act of saving the good things to build more anticipation, like wearing a new rare fragrance on a particularly special day. It gives you little pleasures to look forward which wind up keeping you sane in isolation.

I will likely continue to debate where the happy medium place is for indulging in little luxuries in quarantine, while saving some things for the future. For a little longer I think I’ll let the fragrance sit on my shelf, awaiting its deserved attention.

Thank you for taking part in my brain waves. Let me know in the comments below if you’re having any similar dilemmas in isolation, or if you too have stubbornly turned to Ebay to track down a long lost little pleasures.

Thanks for reading.

Em